When we think of weight issues, many instantly think of women of a larger size that are possibly struggling with their weight. Honestly many will be surprised to know that there are skinny, or slim women who suffer from the anxiety of not being able to gain weight. We are constantly body shamed daily about our low weight and it’s not a good feeling. You will hear rude questions and comments constantly like, “Do you eat?”, “Girl you need to gain some weight,” and “Why are you at the gym?”.
Hearing these statements and questions has driven so many women to undergo surgery are to involve themselves in numerous amounts of medication and forced eating to try to gain weight that will be deemed “healthy” in the sight of others.
Today on Starrdom100 Radio I shared my personal experiences with being skinny as a young child and even how I deal with the issue today. My goal is to inspire young women who the world considers to be underweight and skinny to love yourself just the way God made you to be regardless of what anyone has to say.
Body shaming is a form of bullying and we as women need to stop shaming one another because of our size and learn to embrace our differences.
Queens we have been told many times to not put your life on hold for a man. Why? Well some will say that you should not wait for no man because he may never be ready for you, or you could risk the chance of missing out on the man who is right for you.
So here is the twist in that theory. There is a possible chance that the one you are interested in and waiting for, could very well be the right one for you.
Now of course, you want to be sure that he is worth waiting for, and you will know that by his actions towards you.
Before you decide to put your love life on hold for any man, you need to be sure that the feelings are mutual. Does he really care about you the same way that you care about him? Has he stated to you verbally that he wants to be with you, but wants to get himself together first? If so then what’s the rush? You can’t help but respect his honesty.
A man who loves you wants to offer you his best. He doesn’t want to present himself to you as some broke dude with no way of taking care of you or raising a family. Some want to at least move up out of their mom’s house, and let’s add that some men are still living at home with their mom to save up and it’s nothing crappy about that. Let’s admit apartments cost a lot of money these days and the money you spend on them is not returned so I’m not going to knock a man who still is at home saving up to buy a house. Some men still have a lot to work on before stepping into those shoes that mean being a leader and the man of the house. I’m not one to judge a man based on his living conditions.
It sounds so good to want to be with a man when he is at his lowest. There is nothing wrong with that. But I admire a man who tells you upfront that “I’m not ready yet” and “I want to get myself together first.”
That’s a man who is not trying to live paycheck to paycheck and drag you along for the journey. He’s trying to save you a headache and various stages of depression.
Now of course there are videos everywhere protesting against waiting on anyone, but I truly believe that a man who wants to prepare himself to offer the best version of himself to you is a respectful and beautiful thing.
I mean what is wrong with a man wanting to get his life together before dragging you into the picture?
Some men don’t want a woman he truly loves to be with him while he is struggling and barely the man he is supposed to be in order to be her head as God ordained man to be. Yes the support during that low period is beautiful, but some men want to wait so they can offer you the best.
I will admit that I was that person who felt you shouldn’t wait on no man. But there are men who will come in your life and prove themselves to be worth the wait. I don’t mind waiting until the man who has actively shown himself to love me….gets himself together first. We are so in a rush these days for love and love is something that can’t be rushed.
Love takes time. A man who loves you, wants to take his time and get his life together before involving you.
Because you may very well lose interest or trust in him if you get the man that he is right now.
When a person is struggling, they can be very angry, depressed, bitter and so many other things. Those various moods could be reflected on you unintentionally. Do you know how many men get involved with women before they are ready, and mess the relationship up? They get involved to soon because they want to make the woman happy and not risk losing her to another man, despite knowing they are not ready.
There are women out there right now who are mentally scarred because of what happened to them in a rushed relationship. The man simply was not ready or in a place to be what he felt he needed to be for her.
There are so many good men, who get cheated on, and I don’t condone cheating but it happens because maybe his finances were not right, so she got tired of him being broke all the time. Despite the fact that he told her upfront that he was working on getting his finances together but she was persistent towards being with him anyway. She wanted to force him into something he stated he was not ready for.
Ladies this is not a swimming course where you push the man into the pool and expect him to start swimming. Some will drown if they are not ready to swim.
You have to listen to men when they are talking to you and respect their honesty. It can save you a lot of hurt in the long run. Let me add that a man who is stating the facts upfront that he is not ready yet for you, is showing you that he doesn’t want to be that man who hurts you.
I believe the best response would be to accept that, and be willing to wait if he states that he wants you to give him time to improve. If he is genuinely a good man to you and to your heart then he is worth waiting for. Don’t rush him or force him.
Now by all means do not sit up waiting on a man who is not stating he wants to better himself for you or is not even showing any signs of mutual desire for you. Your waiting will be in vain.
Make sure the love is mutual and if so then take your time. He is worth waiting for if the love is mutual and his actions match.
Be sure to get your copy of my new book which is now available on Amazon titled, “You Are Worth The Wait”. Simply search Tanisha D. Davis on Amazon to locate my new book which is especially for those who know that they are worth waiting for!
CLICK HERE! For my new book, “You Are Worth The Wait.”
Share your thoughts in the comments below on the topic.
Do you feel a good man who has stated he wants to better himself first before pursuing a long term relationship or marriage with you is worth the wait?
“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.” ― Malcolm X
We all want to be adored and accepted by the person that you have an interest, or love towards. It makes you feel good inside to know that there is another soul out there that loves your existence just as much as you do. It feels good to be wanted by someone and therefore when we cross individuals who display the exact opposite of want, it causes confusion mentally and emotionally. Love is a very powerful feeling, and it is so important to love yourself first before you can look for it from others. To know love for yourself, is to be able to identify what love is.
How can I tell if a person is displaying love towards me, if I can’t identify what it looks like and feels like?
When you love yourself, you develop a sense of self-worth, and it helps you to understand that you are valuable. Self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do. When you know who you are as a person then you know what it is that you are willing to accept and what you will not accept.
There are so many individuals who do not value themselves enough to leave some terrible situations. Many are trapped in bad relationships and marriages because they want their partner to show them that they are loved and worthy of their attention, time, and affection.
However you can’t make someone see your own worth. It is up to you to know it and if that individual can’t see the beauty within you then leave them be. No matter what I do, I can’t make someone indulge in the amazing taste of ice cream if they don’t want to.
No matter how many people love ice cream and go out to purchase it. So in other words you may be the best thing ever but it takes a willing individual to say I see something amazing right before me and I want to take part in it and give love a try with you.
If a person misses out on you and your great qualities, then it’s their loss and not yours.
I think we get so caught up in trying to force love upon someone that we forget that real love just happens and flows naturally without force. If you have to force someone to love you, then it is not love. If you got to put on an entire tap dancing show to make a person see that you are valuable and worthy then honey you are going about things the wrong way.
True enough there are some people in life who will make you feel unworthy. Maybe you have seen them give more time and attention to another individual more than they have towards you. This is speaking of the dating phase and therefore you may start to compare yourself to another person. You can’t base your worth off of another person.
If you walk into a jewelry store you will discover that there are many jewels and diamonds and each hold their own value. The beauty of it is that they lay there in wait to be discovered by the person who is looking for that exact jewel. There is someone out there who is looking for you just the way you are. They will see the value of having you in their life and will not cease at nothing to make sure that you know that you are the best thing to ever happen to them.
You are worthy and valuable to the right one. Be patient and do not entangle yourself with anyone that you have to force to see the beauty within you.
Be sure to get a copy of my new book, “You Are Worth The Wait” which is now available for you to order on Amazon. (Click Here!)
I have been through so much in life that it is definitely worthy of being composed in a book. Just to alert my readers, I am actually working on a book about my life. I have decided to stop procrastinating this year. But however that is not the topic of this message today.
I have been through so much that was meant to break me down from last year on up to now that your girl is honestly exhausted!
It’s difficult to keep enduring a fight for your happiness when the enemy keeps sending everything your way to break you down.
I woke up yet some how I am surprised to not find my body laying in tiny pieces of porcelain glass in the bed.
I have had the pleasure of receiving a lot of good news this year but also I have received enough bad news to almost knock the good out the park. I feel like I’m fighting on this journey to success with a rag wrapped around my face that’s trying to stop me from breathing.
It seems every time I get happy, I mean really really happy about my life, something horrible happens. The sad part is that the ones who attack you assume they know the full story about you but yet they know nothing at all. I mean they have the slightest clue of what the heck you are dealing with.
So this month is my birthday month and we all know that February is all about that love! This is the month for us to shower those we love with gifts. However I am choosing to sit back and allow myself to be loved from the inside on out. I have encountered so many bad relationships on where I thought with all my heart that I had found the one for me.
My dreams sadly were shattered left and right.
I almost got married but found out that no matter how much I had been doing right in that relationship, he was cheating on me. I mean thats enough right there to break a woman all the way down. Imagine doing all the things you felt were the right things to do and discover that the individual you were doing it for, didn’t appreciate it.
Yea I listened to what men said they wanted for years in a relationship. That woman was me. I cooked, kept a clean home, baked, washed clothes, and performed very well in the bedroom. Even studied different books that showed multiple ways to satisfy your man and yet and still he would rather search outside for another.
That year I lost myself. I slipped into a dark hole and it took a ton of prayer from family who knew what I was dealing with to help bring me back. I literally fell extremely ill because I felt like I just wasn’t enough!
I cried countless nights thinking I just wasn’t enough at all because had I been…he would have never left is what I told myself. It was during this time that I was in school trying to finish up my Bachelor’s Degree in Criminal Justice.
I spent a ton of time in prayer and I told myself that I didn’t want to get to know nobody else any time soon, because that heart break had almost caused me to lose my mind.
Yet that year I met what I felt was the sunshine I needed in my stormy life.
I met who I felt must have been the one.
Yet here I stand today again just weeks before that horrible date when my ex broke up with me. I stand here freeing myself of every hurt and pain that I have been through while searching for who I thought was the right one for me.
Ladies there are some men out there who are living a lie and that lie can tear you into pieces if you allow it to. I refuse to fall apart again so I’m starting off my soon to be 33rd birthday free of a relationship!
No more men lying to me and keeping secrets from me. I am free and falling in love with myself for once in my life. This year if love finds me….it will find me because it caught me staring along side the ocean and enjoying the peace of the waves and the sunshine glistening on its waves. It will never find me because I was out searching for it again. I discovered once again that “he who finds a wife, finds a good thing”….its not my place to go finding my good thing because my good thing will find me.
I’m sure many were so happy for me over the last year because they all just knew I had found my good thing. Yet that was the problem…”I ” had found it.
And no he was never a bad guy, he gave me everything I asked for but he had some inner things that he needed to battle with and that meant removing myself from the situation.
I’ll always love him and I’m sure he will always love me but while he battles himself….I shall go discover the love within myself that got lost along the way. I can honestly say I’m mentally and emotionally tired of broken hearts and discovering that things are not as they appear.
Who knows how the year will turn out for me but at the moment I’m just focusing back on loving me a bit more and a bit harder. Never let the flaws of others steal your joy and tear down your self esteem. It can very easily happen because I have dealt with it and often find myself dealing with it.
You start feeling like you are not beautiful and that you are not worthy enough of love like all of your peers who are so happily married. Yea I’m about to be 33 with no wedding ring yet and I’m back single again because of secrets.
That can tear any woman apart.
Each time I tell myself to not let it change who I am on the inside. I keep my faith even when I feel like that was the last straw on my sanity. I don’t think men know just how bad the secrets and lies can destroy a woman who genuinely loves them.
I don’t think they have a clue.
So it’s back to me again and who knows…maybe while I’m working on these blessings before me…God will lead love my way.
Finding Your Way Back To ‘You’ Can Be A Rough Journey.
Finding your way back to love after a terrible break-up can be difficult. No one likes breaking up but it’s part of everyday life. You find yourself growing further apart from the one you once couldn’t see yourself without. It just happens and sometimes it’s the worst feeling ever to get past.
There are times, that a break up, no matter how it ends can leave individuals on a soul seeking journey. They try to figure out what they did wrong in the relationship and how they can make the next relationship better.
During this time of solitude, one must not hesitate to first get back to loving yourself. When you are in a relationship, all of your time and effort goes into making the other person happy. There are times where you are so wrapped up into making sure the other person is happy that you lose out on remembering the things that once made you happy.
So many have fallen into the error of trying to jump right back into a relationship due to loneliness, instead of allowing themselves to heal and properly prepare mentally for the next relationship. This can be a tragic mishap when they find themselves suddenly fearful and assuming the next person is going to be just like their last relationship. This happens simply because they failed to allow healing of the mind and soul. When you break up from any long-term relationship, it is best to at least give yourself a year to spend alone. During this alone time, it is okay to date and just observe what you expect from the next relationship. It is a time to grow in areas that you may have grown weak mentally and physically in.
One thing I see a lot of people do is began to punish themselves by thinking that just because a long term relationship did not work out, that they were at fault. You may have done everything you have known to do in that relationship that was deemed right in your eyes, but they still walked away. Do not let that punish you. Often times we have to look back at how a person grew up. Some people do not know how to love nor how to handle being treated well. It would seem that everyone in life is seeking something good for themselves, yet everyone honestly is not. If the world evolved around people always wanting the better good for themselves, then people would eat healthier and maintain those gym memberships right?
Understand that just because the person who left you did not appreciate what you had to offer, does not mean something was wrong with you.
You should continue to be the best person you know how to be and one day someone will appreciate all that you have to offer.
So while you journey back to discovering true love, continue to work on becoming the best version of you. Be open to new things, and by all means, let go of past hurts and do not hold the new love accountable for the past encounters.
True love is right around the corner for you if you allow yourself to be open to receiving it. This means you began now tearing down that brick wall from the past hurt. Go into your garden, and uproot all the weeds in your life, and clip off those dead leaves.
Now is the time for new beginnings. The past is simply just that, it has no hold on you nor serves as a hindrance for the love you shall receive.
How to keep a man happy? Well the average woman will probably have a million responses. I can hear some of you now saying there is no exact way to keep a man happy because all men are not the same. I hear you, but ladies what I want you to know is that there are some basic steps that you can follow. If you can manage to follow some of these basic guidelines, then you can keep your man happy!
Men, no matter how different they are, are pretty simple when it comes to just a few things. Women however tend to be a bit more complex when it comes to satisfying our wants. Of course not all women are the same but then again this article isn’t about the ladies right?! So we won’t go in depth on that topic.
Let me add that the tips that I am about to break down for you will only be beneficial for the guy who is for you. I’m sure every woman has learned over the years that you can be everything to the wrong man. It doesn’t mean that would you did was wrong. It just means you did it with the wrong guy. There are some men out there that you can hit back bends for and swing from a chandelier and he will still leave you. That’s part of life.
Yet if you have a really good man who loves you and all you do is create an uncomfortable living space for him, then Houston we have a problem!
The first issue that every woman tends to do at one point or another is NAGG!
Now sure we all end up nagging for some reason or another but men don’t like it! You will find him escaping the roar of the dragon everyday if he has to. He’ll go hang out with his friends more, or just disappear to avoid all of the nagging. To be honest it may even remind him of being a child who is getting fussed at. He’s a grown man, so he will definitely get away from you to keep his man hood alive. There is a way to get your point across to your man without nagging. Men are simple but not dumb. If you tell him what the issue is then give him the space to fix the problem. When you nag daily about it, you might as well push him out the door of your life. Be his peace of mind!
The next issue that we as ladies don’t do enough of is SUPPORT HIM!
How often do we carry long conversations to him about all of our problems and the things we want?! We never take the time to see about his needs. We never ask him what is bothering him. Ladies you have to be concerned about your man. Find out how his day was and if he is dealing with anything. Be that pillow that he can lay his head on and vent to. There are times that we can be a bit selfish of his needs. You have to remember that he is still human. If he feels he can’t talk to you and get that support, he’ll find someone else to vent to.
Lastly ladies, stop expecting him to be someone he is not. Stop comparing him to your past relations. Stop trying to CHANGE HIM!
Most of you listen to your friend girls and take all of the wrong advice on trying to train a man to be something he is not. Now by all means you should push your man to be the best he can be, but don’t try to do a make-over stunt. You all remember the woman from the movie, “Two Can Play That Game” who fixed Bobby Brown’s teeth right? He started tripping on her. Let that man be all that he inspires to be for you without you trying to follow some rule book. A good man who loves you, will change for you by himself. He has been living with himself all his life so if he knows he has flaws that could affect your relation, he will happily work on them. If he doesn’t change to better the relationship then honey he just isn’t the one for you.
These are just a few tips towards keeping your man happy. Of course I could have added so much more but that will be saved for another topic. Now go home today and work on these three things, and see if you can make 2017 better than your past years!